I know I shouldn't but...

Today I had a real problem. No...two real problems. Today Howard came back to "borrow" a hundred bucks. He wheedled his way into my defenses again. He's damn hard to ignore. Even at 45, he's still hot. I let him kiss me again. Bad move. Why the hell I can't say no to that SOB is beyond me. Anyway, he managed to get another $100 out of me before I found the brain power to tell him not to bother coming over again whenever he ran out of cash.

The things he said to me were awful. I forget how he gets when things don't go his way. He called me...names. He told me the only reason he fooled around on me was that I was incapable to making him feel like a man. That I was about as sexy as a frozen trout. That the only reason he stayed with me in the first place was that I was willing to do about anything to please him...money wise.

I was so damned humiliated! If the bastard ever shows his face here again, I think I'll actually kick him in the balls. Grrrrr....And I've never hurt a fly before.

But then something even worse happened. OMG! Mike Running Elk came by right after Howard left. Mike is the kid who does my barn chores every Saturday. He's been coming over every week for years now. A good kid. A true gentleman, unlike my ex. I don't know why, but when I heard his voice and saw those long legs of his standing on my walk, I started wondering how it would feel to fuck a young, beautiful man who treated me with respect, and was unflinchingly ethical (unlike my ex).

I got so damn horny, I couldn't even look him in the eye. For a moment there, I wanted to grab the kid, drag him inside the house, and fuck him until he couldn't move. Was that bad, or what?

I mean, the kid is about 12 years younger than me! He probably has scads of res girls chasing him. He's tall and he's built. He's sexy as hell. He works hard on his own horse ranch. He really doesn't need the money I pay him each Saturday, but he still comes over. And now I can't get the damn image of him naked on my bed out of my stupid mind!

What the hell am I gonna do now? Even thinking about doing the things I want to do to him makes me feel like a cradle-robber! How the hell do the gals over at Tempt The Cougar manage to get past the guilt?